On the bright side

Yesterday I finished taking the GRE, after studying fervently for many weeks. I actually ended up doing not as good as I did the time before. Never the less, I will have a good attitude about it. I have faith that I will get into grad school and get my LPC (licenced professional counselor). I am not going to worry about it.
I finished that day off with going to work. The night before the boss had a talk with me, expressing some things I need to improve on. I want to show through my work that I can meet her standards. I came into work the next day with a smile and a great attitude. I didn't just stand around I kept myself busy, scrubbing the counters. It was nice to feel like I was doing as scripture reads in Colossians 3:22-25. I will serve my earthly masters as if I am serving the king of the universe, Yahweh. I will do my work with a good attitude and work hard all the time - not only when they are watching. I won't complain when my boss makes me do menial work, to make the place spotless. Yahweh would want his place spotless as well.

Now that I have the GRE behind me I can focus on other goals.

Inspiration from the Elderly

I struggle regularly to keep consistant in my exercise and diet. Lately my methods are to make small goals and try and complete them each day. Today my goal is to wake up early, exercise, and eat no sweets. I have already completed two of those goals :-).

Currently my method of exercise is jump rope. I like it. I feel like the momentum of the rope keeps me motivated to keep going. As you can see from my past post I have tried doing exercises like cruches and puch ups, things of that nature. With those exercises it is always a struggle to keep going. It's a lot easier to watch tv while jumping rope than doing floor exercises too. Being able to watch tv while exercising is also motivating. It keeps me distracted from how tired I am.

I like to keep track of my successes. I have a calendar that I put check marks on the days I meet a goal, and I write what I did. I also have an excel document to keep track of exercises I do. I can later use the information I put in there to create a graph. I also keep track of my weight and the measurement around my belly. Lately the scales have been going up, but I don't want to get discouraged.

I met a elderly lady at work last night. Her name was Sarah. She was 93 years old, still walking, and with a sound mind. She told me about her regular routiene. She wakes up around 6am each day and does exercises. The exercises help her osteo-arthritus. She says every step she takes hurts when she walks, but it is amazing a lady of her years can walk at all. She has never even had a hip replacement. She also has a regular schedule for cleaning. Each day of the week has a differnt cleaning task. She is now living with her son, and she says she wants to clean the house to contribute. I also am living rent free with my parents. I need to do regular cleaning for them as well. She is such an inspiration to me. I need to wake up early, do exercises, and clean regularly too. While talking to her I realized also that I need to wake up early and do my exercises, so I am tiried at the end of the day. I often have insomnia, but if I have that schedule, then it will help me get to sleep at night. If a lady of her age can do all that, then I need to as well. I am lazy compared to her. I need to step up my game and get active!

The Best Day Ever

Just a day ago I was thinking about how my behavior was showing that I was depressed, the next day I had the best day ever.

Evidence of my depression:
Sleeping too much. Lack of motivation - I really needed to do my laundry, change my sheets and clean my room in general. I finally did wash my clothes, but have yet to put these clothes up. I was so glued to my bed and had lack of motivation that I stayed in bed and skipped going to work.
I lost my job.

The best day ever began with me making some small goals.
+Wake up every day at 9am (no matter if it is weekend or work day). Try to get up directly when the alarm rings, no snooze, try to use only one alarm.
+Do one cleaning job a day (ex: laundry)
+Exercise at least 30 minutes a day

I ended up not sleeping the night before the best day ever, so I couldn't count waking up at 9am. I still got out of bed at that time though. I did complete a full 30min of exercise. I met one of my goals! Even if it takes me several days to get all my goals completed it is still a success to meet one.
I began to put my laundry away, but was distracted by the tree outside my window. I noticed how the leaves were clusered together and how the branches began as one, but coninued to the far twigs that held the leaves. I wanted to draw it, so I did.

I was drawing it from my window. I could see the branches that were hidded when the wind blew the leaves away from my view. I was straining to see every connection. I ultimately decided to go draw outside. I began on my small note pad, but it was evident I needed a bigger canvas, so I brought out my large newsprint pad. After drawing for awhile I wanted to visit the back yard where my parents were. I noticed the beautiful blooming flowers and decided to take pictures. I really got into it, getting the perfect angle and lighting. I even used the macro setting for some fun focus tricks.

While I was taking pictures a humming bird came by and stopped right in front of me in mid-air. It was posing for me! Since I had my camera ready I was able to get a picture of it front and center. I was touched my an angel! I started to cry. It was a blessing. At that moment my mood shifted from photographer to serenity. I stopped and soaked it all in - the beauty of the day, nature, the blessing of the day.
I was now giving thanks to Yahweh (my heavenly father). Yesterday I was wallowing im my muck and today I am soaking in the presence of Yahweh. It was delightful.

Yahweh through the Rouach Quodesh (Holy Spirit) spent the day with me. He told me some things about myself that I needed to hear. These things filled my existensial vaccumm. I was at a place where I felt like I had no purpose - no meaning in my life. He showed me who I am and what my talents are. He showed me that being in the nature helped open me up to recieving this message. I spend so much time glued to my hand held computer that it is like putting on blinders to the world. Being outside that day enabled me to open up to the revelations I needed to hear to bring me out of my depression.
I now have a  renewed since of self: I am a princess of Yahweh. I am an artist. I am a singer.
I now have inspiration: inspiration to create a motion picture, inpiration that led me to create a song, and inspiration that led me to make photographs and a drawing, and insiration to get another job!

Standing Abs Workouts

Sometimes it feels less like an exercise if you are standing up to do it. Doing crunches on the floor can get old. Mix it up with standing ab exercises.

Fitness Blender Standing Abs Workout - video and reference sheet

More to be added later

Efficient Exercises

Dr. Oz often features weight loss tips and exercises from people well known in the field and often provides evidence based information to give you the best results. From watching the videos below I learned that doing high intensity interval training will give the best results. High intensity means getting your heart rate up. One expert said that doing just 10 minutes of the exercise in that video is more effective than an hour of jogging. That was a shocker because at the beginning of this blog I thought doing a weekly long distance job would be a good idea, but now I realize it isn't as good as these workouts. If at first you feel like you can't do the exercise as it is supposed to be done just do it to your best ability (some provide modifications). After you do the exercises more your muscles will build up are you can do it as it is shown. You will work a sweat up. The goal of these exercises is to do them quickly to build your heart rate. Go hard, because it really isn't for a long period of time.
If you want to do these exercises I recommend watching the videos the first time to see how it is done, then you can use my cheat sheet. For the cheat sheet I looked really closely at the videos to make sure I got the moves correct. Then I drew out stick men to show how to move in the exercise and wrote a description. I hope that you can understand my notes. To print the reference sheet right click on it and click "save image as" then open it on your computer and click print.

Dr. Oz Exercise Videos:
5-min Body Reshaping Workout
The Ultimate Biggest Loser Workout

Chris and Heidi Powell's 9-Minute Workout

The 5-Minute Fat-Shredding Workout

Tony Horton's 10-Minute Workout 

5-Minute Metabolism-Boosting Workout 

Quick Reference Sheet:
right click save image as to view larger or print

Bonus:

Chris Powell's 5-Minute Carb-Busting Workout

I have not written in awhile, but I have not given up on my pursuits. It is just that I am not near a computer for half the week, so it is difficult to update my blog. Until I have easier access to a computer I probably won't post for awhile, but hope to give a recap in the future when I continue to post.

Getting Back on Track

Day 10
Since what I was originally planning to do today got changed I decided to clean my room. It is a mess. I work up and was really not motivated to take a shower and exercise. I finally did though. I am beginning to see slight changed in my tummy appearance, and I can definitely feel the muscles developed. I am excited to continue to see changes. I just need to continue working out daily.

The past few days I was off track and didn't my exercises everyday. I need to stop making reasons why I don't want to do my exercises , excuses, and start giving my exercises priority. I should make excuses to miss other things, because I have to do my exercises.

I feel really bad when I am not productive. On Sunday I sat on the couch all day watching TV, and it really sucked my energy out. i was also more prone to eating junk when I was just laying around.

On Monday (today is Tuesday) I did do some reading, but was no gun ho about it. I stopped reading in the drawing book, because I got to a place where I needed to draw something. I told myself that the environment wouldn't allow me to focus. I made excuses, just like with exercising. I need to instead make exceptions in order to do my drawing. I need to go out of my way to get it done. Go into my room and close the door.
I am not being determined with my tasks. I cannot let my surrounds dictate my life, or else I will never get anything done. Also I cannot let my moods dictate my actions. If I don't feel like doing something I meed to be determined and do it in spite of those feelings.

I suppose today I did succeed in pushing my feelings aside to get the work done. I rearranged the furniture in my room. It makes me happy because my desk is now in the window corner, and the sunlight can get in better. My room still isn't clean, but I got a lot done. I did two loads of laundry (big deal for me - I hate laundry). I also unpacked two suitcases that have been lying around for a week. Next task is to put away my clothes and get my room fully cleaned.

Running Emotions

Day 5

So I was just chillin out reading Les Mis. and had a bite to eat, which I need to give myself credit for. My dad went to Arbys which I'm not crazy about in the first place, but besides getting the sandwich he got curly fries, onion rings, a chocolate and cheery turnover, and a jamocha shake. I would normally be really excited that he got all of those, because I love accessory foods. But since I am watching what I eat I was not happy about it. I restrained myself and only had one onion ring and one fry (a very long curly fry though) and sat back down with my book and ate the sandwich. It was a beef-n-cheddar with white cheese instead. It was good, for an Arby's, but I could taste the unhealthiness of it -very salty. Since I wasn't very hungry and ate not long before, I just ate half and thought I might eat the rest when I get hunger later. Choosing to not eat when I am not really hungry is something I don't usually do, so I am proud of my self for only eating half of the sandwich. I normally eat a full meal when I am not particularly hungry. I should note, however, that you shouldn't wait till you are hungry to eat. I have been told by a nutritionist to eat about every 4 hours to keep your metabolism going. The fact that my tastes buds noticed the unhealthy taste of the sandwich is significant. Maybe it is because I am eating more fruits and vegetables. I just think it is really cool that I am beginning to not enjoy the taste and feeling that fast food gives me.

As I was reading I remembered to check my email. When I did, I saw an email from University of Louisville. It said I was not accepted to the graduate school. :-( It really made me upset. This was the fourth rejection letter I have gotten out of five schools; I was loosing hope. I had to decided how I was going to react to this news. I could decide to go back to reading and just ignore my feelings of frustration and disappointment. I went inside and picked up my Cavalier King Charles dog, Addie, holding her, feeling her in my arms was comforting. She is like a baby. As I was holding her I thought about how to react to the rejection. I choose not to tell my parents yet, that would involve their emotions about it and talking about it - I just didn't want to deal with that yet. I recognized that I was angry and thought that avoiding it by going back to reading was not a good choice. I thought running would be a good outlet, and I could get some exercise.

I got my iPod and running shoes and was off. I decided to do a Fartlek, it is where you run and walk/jog in intervals. I was listening to the music as I ran. The first song couldn't have been better; it was a Mason Clover upbeat song. I started in a full sprint which was empowering and a bit awkward as I was exposed to the whole neighborhood, bolting past a woman walking a dog and a gardener. I knew it didn't matter, I was just amazed at the speed I was going. I could not recall every going that fast. My legs were pumping from the decline, I didn't slow down till I got to the flat surface. I was aware of my body as I was propelled forward down the hills and was aware of my body when I slowed down and I could feel myself getting winded. Being aware of my body like that was surreal. I decided to switch to walking at the next post.

I prepared for the next downhill and decided that I would base my pace on the terrain throughout the run. I would walk or barely jog on uphills and jog or run on flat surfaces and go full out on the downhills. As I went down the next hill I let it take over and force my legs to go faster than ever. Emotion came over me as adrenaline set in. I as recognizing my emotion, listening to it and it wanted to cry - right there in the street as a bus was driving by. I was still running and I allowed myself to cry. I don't even know if there were tears, it was one of those painful cries that you can see in the mouth and the face gets all scrunched up. As I got to the bottom of the hill still in full speed I decided to take the turn, knowing that it would take me into the next neighborhood, which was notoriously hilly. So I started up the hill in a slow jog - the kind where you are at the pace of walking but just picking up your feet more and swing your arms. It was a tough hill. I was listening to the music - the words were speaking to me. I can't remember what they said, but it kept me moving even though it was a slower song. It came to me again - the crying. I listening to my emotions and let it come out. Letting myself cry is a big deal, I usually brush things off and don't let myself get emotional. I looked around and thought for a moment what I looked like - barely jogging up this hill crying in plain sight in witness to all the cutesy suburban houses; I said to myself, "I don't care, I need this. I am glad i am crying." I took a walking break at the top of the hill. I was approaching a flat stretch, so I thought I better pick up the pace before, another hills comes. I went off running to the beat of the music. When I got tired, still on a flat surface, I switch to walking at the next post. I kind of stopped running before I got to the post; I caught myself and ran the rest of the way.

I went into a walk and reflected on the pretty flowers and how the hills are metaphoric. In the life there are ups and downs and sometimes on an up you need to press on in a jog, putting forth the same effort that would be pretty fast on a flat surface, but on a hill is a crawl. Other times we need to walk during the uphill times, so we have time to experience and learn and grow. Often times hills are thought of metaphorically as a positive time, but gosh darn it when you are exercising it sure isn't. It takes a lot of energy to go up hill, but maybe that is how life is; it takes a lot of effort to get to the top - to that goal place. The downhill times I let go and let the hill take me over causing me to run really fast. It is scary and feels like I don't have to put out any effort; I just have to pick my feet up so I don't trip and fall. Sometimes you might feel like you need to put the breaks on and try and make your legs go slower, because your scared, but that can actually be more damaging to your body due to the fierce impact. So are downhill times good in life? They are certainly a relief in running. It doesn't feel like you are putting forth much effort, but you are going fast - which is good. I guess when downhill is thought of negatively it is because it is leading to a low place.

After thinking about this I approached the final hill. I realized I was not ready for it, and the music was not fast enough. This was a biggie; I prepared myself. The song came on and I let go and was off down the hill. All I was doing was trying to pick my legs up fast enough and keep them from buckling. There was a moment when I was going so fast I subconsciously made one of my legs brake (by straightening it out), because I was a little afraid. I reassured myself, "You can't do that," and continued picking my feet up. I was huffing and puffing like a heavy weight lifter. I swear it was so loud it seemed like people could hear from inside their homes. About halfway down the hill my headphones came out. I was going way too fast to care; there was no stopping me. It made the scene feel all that more dramatic; almost like when Forest Gump ran for the first time and his leg braces come off. I reached the bottom of the hill at the stop sign. I was finished! I was so winded; all I could do was walk it off. I had to bring my heart rate down. The mailman happened to be right at the bottom of the hill when I finished. who knows what he was thinking. I was afraid he was going to stop and talk to me (he is a friendly man), but thankfully he didn't. I put my earphones back in and walked on. I was so exhausted. I needed to cool down so much that I walked past my house to the end of the street. I was so exhausted I was barely walking, dragging my feet, back slumped, huffing and puffing. I felt and probably looked like a zombie. When I came to the hill in my driveway I was probably taking one step every 30 seconds. I was in autopilot; I had checkout. It took all my energy just to pick my feet up. I opened the gate to the back porch and my mom saw me and laughed and imitated my zombie like appearance. I was a little irritated at that so I playfully threw the newspaper at her.

As I was standing there I told my mom the bad news. She gave me a hug and said she was sorry. I appreciated that, even though I'm not very affectionate. She continued to ask me "why do you think you got turned down," and "what are you going to do now". I really didn't want to hear that -it was frustrating me. I didn't want to think about that yet - I actually already had thought of it, but didn't want to explain myself to my mom. I told her I really didn't want her to talk that way right now. She listened to me and let me just sit there in silence, which I was happy with being so exhausted. I understand that she can't help wondering why her wonderful daughter would get rejected, but I just didn't want to hear it. I just wanted comfort, not explanation. Usually I don't really acknowledge the need for comfort and try to be tough, but later I called some friends to make me feel better.

I am really proud of how I handled the news of being rejected. I am proud of myself for facing my emotions instead of bottling them up, and I am really happy that I used my frustration to fuel an extreme run. I would not have had the motivation to run like that without the frustration I had.

Tired With a Headache

Day 4
It is night time and currently my mood is conflicted. I got tired around 4pm and also had a headache at that time. I thought some caffeine would be a good idea, because it wakes you up and can help get rid of a headache. Well it turned out to be a bad idea. It did nothing for my headache and now, about five hours later, I can still feel the caffeine in my system. I have a slight tremor within me that makes me feel like jumping out of my skin. I tried to take a nap around 4pm, but it didn't stick so I am still tired. As I was saying my mood is conflicted, my body is in angst from the caffeine but is also tired from waking up early. This is not fun. Caffeine is not the answer for me.
Also when I was tired around 4pm I ate some chips, though they were baked pita chips were still quite unhealthy. I realized as I continued eating the chips when I was no longer hungry that I was mainly eating because I wasn't feeling good. Maybe I was just trying to find enjoyment in the way the chips tasted (they were flavored like garlic bread) to mask my stupor and headache. I am glad I recognized that and quit eating. It is important to be aware of how I am feeling and how I respond to it, so I can make improvements.
Today I did a lot less than other says-mainly due to my headache; I just did a short amount of reading from the grammar book. I did, however, go on a walk with the dogs. I realized from the grammar book that I need to do first drafts in my writing, in school I would usually procrastinate and not have enough time to get a second draft or revisions. I need to realize that a first draft really should be me just thinking on the page, getting out ideas, not really focusing on rules or grammar. Maybe something to do when I first get the assignment, when I don't have much concrete information like research to include. Doing this will help eliminate the fears I sometimes have about starting a big paper. I often have writers block and don't know how to start my paper, but it is all just me psyching myself out. Even though the writing I am doing in this blog is very casual, I can still work on my grammar. One way I am implementing that is by first writing my thoughts in my journal (hand written - I can easily express myself in hand writing) and then transfer it to the online blog after my mind has time to process (a day later). I have found that I have more add when I am go to write the blog; the journal works by bringing up the topic and I expound on it here. All of this happens subconsciously - its not like I held back when I was writing the journal; I said all that was on my mind. It's just that after a day my mind has processed the experience more and can create more concrete and developed responses to the experience. This should work the same for academic writing. The mind takes time to process things, but it will not do it on its own; you have to bring it up - talk about it write about it think about it repeatedly. Its like when you tell a story over and over. The more you tell it it evolves. You realize how you felt in that moment the more you tell the story and can insert those feelings in the story.

More than Showing Up

Day 3
I got a late start today. I didn't really start doing stuff till 12 or 1 pm. I did not want to get out of bed this morning and wash my face immediately, so I didn't. There is something about me that just has to hit the snooze button like three times before I feel obligated to get out of bed, and even when I finally get out of bed I feel like chillin out in my PJs before I really get anything important done. Maybe I just have to get used to doing those oh-so-necessary morning routine tasks while I still feel like a zombie. I want to throw in my motto here and tell myself, "wake up excited to do the mundane!", but that just does not seem very practical. How bout this: I will dip my toe into the idea of waking up excited to do my routine, and maybe the next day I will have my whole foot in and edventually my whole body - which will be (still in my swimming pool metaphor) like standing in an ice bath, but maybe after many days of getting excited about doing my morning routine right after I wake up I will finally get used to the cool water and start swimming in that pool freely. Then I will be able to wake up ready to wash my face and exercise. All of this is in theory, but hey you have to convince your mind first, and your body will follow.

Today after I stalled for awhile, I finally took a shower and guess what, I did a leg workout after. That was the first time for me to workout in the morning, it was afternoon already but who cares! That was one of my goals to eventually build up to doing exercises both in the morning and night, and I did it! I didn't expect to achieve to that goal so quickly, but now it is a matter of doing it everyday. I also met my goal that I stated yesterday: go beyond the bare minimum and do more than just show up! I am beginning to believe this journaling (or blogging) is truly effective. It may help by making my mind process and develop how I feel and how I want to improve. By reflecting back you automatically asses the strengths and weakness, which allow you to make goals to improve.

Throughout the day I focused on reading and doing the exercises from Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain. I became stressed out during the exercises that really challenged you to use the right side of your brain. I had to stop at some point and just breath to release the stress. Maybe I was being too careful, and because I was trying to be exact. I hope I can learn to control that stress; it would be very unfortunate for me to get stressed every time I go to draw.

The highlight of my day was calling a friend I had not talked to in months. I was looking for support or really just someone to console me, because I had received another rejection letter from a college. I had not talked to her in months, because I often withdraw from friends who are long distance due to my insecurities. I think that calling them would not be fruitful, or I think that my friend wouldn't really want to talk to me. I think, "they are so far away what is the point." I am so glad I called though. She was so happy to hear from me, and just talking to her uplifted me. I was all smiles. I realized that my insecurities are usually invalid, and even if they were valid there is benefit in calling a friend just to say that you care about them and that you want to see how they are doing. My desire should be to show my friends that I care about them and miss them, and not worry about if they feel the same way. Even if the only reason for calling a friend is to tell them you care about them, that should be enough. To be able to show you care and love for another person is life's greatest gift, and I hope I always remember that.