I am Accomplishing being Habitual

I feel I am in a really good place right now. I recently came out of the mental hospital (I have bipolar disorder). It was a really good experience. It really helped me to get my medications adjusted and to develop a routine. I have talked about how "Finding the Excitement in the Mundane" is about doing things that you may not want to do, but you need to for you health andwell being. Often times those things can be habitual, like washing your dish immediately, or folding your clothes directly when they are dry, or making your bed directly after you get out of bed. All these things can  be habitual. I am so thankful that since coming out of the hospital I have been in the healthy habit of cleaning my dishes, making my bed, doing a morning devotional. I have never felt this accomplished. I never thought I could be a habitual person. A week before the hospital I had a mountain of dishes in my sink growing grime on them. Halleluyah I am accomplishing being habitual!

Habits

I am being habitual!

This is a really exciting victory!

I am actually waking up early in the morning, making my bed, taking my medicine, having quiet time, eating breakfast taking care of hygiene, and getting dressed for the day.

That might sound like nothing to some of you, but for others that is a big deal. For me it is a big deal. When I get depressed I neglect simple things such as I listed above.

I just came out of the hospital a week ago. I checked myself in, but I was still a 1013 (involuntary). I will tell you more about the process of how that went down in a video later. I knew I needed help. I am glad I went. I needed that reset button. There is something monumental about being in an environment where there is staff looking out for your holistic health 24/7. Keeping you on a regimented schedule, food, meds, hygiene, are all on a strict schedule. The schedule is really close to the natural circadian rhythms (the sun rise and sets). As I have come back to my home I have tried to keep close to that, waking up really early and going to bed really early. It has been going quite well. I think if I make it a general rule to make it back to my apartment by sundown I will be good, unless I am planning on doing a fun activity at night in which case I will stay out late.

I think there always needs to be room for exceptions.

When I set out to make lofty goals such as being in my apartment before sundown it can end up being a burden and when something that is designed to be healthy for you begins to be a burden for you it should be changed, and it will naturally change because our bodies and psyches don't like it. That is why most diets don't work. The same goes with religion, Torah commands should not be a burden because they are good for you.

EVERYTHING IN MODERATION, even healthy things.

Thinking Differently

I found some great articles about diet that helped me have a better frame of mind. You can find links to them here. I read an article about thoughts we shouldn't have about eating. One of them was "I'm addicted to sugar." It talked about how this mentality gets is in a bad cycle of guilt repent eat repeat. We instead need to learn to enjoy in moderation.the article that takes about being addicted to food said that we be gain a tolerance to food that are sweet or salty. We need to eat less of them to regain the sensitivity.

Free Candy

Free candy came to my doorstep. The apartment complex pinned bags of candy to the door with a message. I gave into temptation and ate it. My 3 days of abstinence gone. I didn't stop there either, I bought some ice cream.
I really need to change.

3 days

It's been three days without sugar. It's been good keeping the counter. When I get the thought to eat something I shouldn't I look at the counter. It helps.




I did have a trip to the store to get something to munch on. What I really was craving was corn muffins. They didn't have ready made corn muffins. I couldn't really find anything similar, but I still bought something. I should never had gone to the store.


I bought sugar free blueberry muffins and sugar free chocolate cupcakes. I really don't want to be in the habit of eating sugar free sweets. I want to erase the taste desire of sweets. Eating sugar free is still going to feed my cravings.


Tonight I bought a cheese-it snack mix to munch on. I don't want to be munching on carb snacks either. The better thing for me to snack on is fruits, vegetables, and nuts. That is what I can focus on next. I also need to be more willing to cook.

Every Second Counts

I haven't been very open about the actuality of my struggles with my diet, but I feel the need to be honest and open now. I need to be honest so as to overcome it.


I started a counter at midnight. It's 2:35am now. After several days of not following my no sugar diet, I started the countdown today to make every moment count. Even though my last post I said was the beginning of my quitting sugar, I didn't accomplish it yet, but I am beginning again.


The past few days have been ugly. I have eaten whole packs of cookies, whole packs of doughnuts, made trips to the store just to get something sweet to eat. Last night was especially bad. I hopped from store to store buying junk food. I buy it and have to eat it immediately and completely. I am a compulsive overeater, addicted to sugar.


It doesn't even taste that good anymore. Sometimes even when it doesn't taste good I still eat it. Last night I at least threw away one thing that tasted especially bad.


I am just at the breaking point. I don't want to keep on like this.


I have been free of sugar for 3 hours 3 minutes and 5 seconds and counting.

The End of Sugar

Today was the last day I will have sugar. I want to say I will have exceptions, but I really don't think I can. I really need to eradicate it completely. I am addicted to sugar. I read that it can take 60 days to form or break a habit. I will learn that there is sugar in unassuming places, such as tomato sauce. At first I will excuse these cases, but later I will go to even make sure there is no trace of sugar. I will eat natural occurring sugars such as fruit (not juices). I really want to be committed to this. I want to document it too. I think as I document everyday I do not eat sugar it will remind me when I am faced with the temptation, I will think to myself I will have to take count of this. I heard of the stories of people who have lost weight and it took them a year. I need to realize that as I begin this journey. It will take a lot of time so I need to stay committed and not give up.

Interpersonal and Social Rhythm Therapy Schedule

Last week I exercised Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I am really proud of myself for doing that and for making it to work at 8am each day. I have a new schedule so I will have to find a new way to fit working out in my schedule. Being able to stick to this schedule this past week has shown me how I can get out of depression by changing my sleep/wake cycle. I learned what the type of therapy that focuses on it interpersonal and social rhythm therapy for bipolar disorder. The vital rational for interpersonal and social rhythm therapy (IPSRT) is, "unstable or disrupted daily routines lead to circadian instability and affective episodes in vulnerable individuals." To keep moods stable clients keep a log of daily and nightly activities, levels, of social stimulation, sleep and mood. The focus of therapy goals are to "(a) identify a key interpersonal problem area; (b) set targets for regulation meals, exercise, and sleep; (c) make plans for keeping rhythm stable when disruptive social events occur; and (d) develop strategies to manage the priority interpersonal problem area.." For more information see their website: https://www.ipsrt.org

This blog is kind of my IPSRT. I talk and that is what I am going to focus for this post. I am going to plan my schedule. Then I can get back at the end of the week and see how it went.

Sunday: wake 8:30 am ,exercise at or after 6:30pm sleep 12am
Monday: wake 8:30am (because I need to wake up the same time everyday), exercise at or before Noon, sleep 12am
Tuesday: wake up 8:30am, exercise at or before 9am - 10am latest sleep 12am
Wednesday: (same as Monday) wake 8:30am (because I need to wake up the same time everyday), exercise at or before Noon, sleep (due to early wake up) try for 9/10pm
Thursday:  Wake up 4:30am 5am latest (leave house at 5:30), exercise at 2:30p or later, Sleep by 12am
Friday: (same as Monday) wake 8:30am, exercise at or before Noon, sleep 12am latest
Saturday: Sabbath relax and rest try to wake up by 9am for consistency
Sunday: not working so schedule is open wake up by 9am

That is my plan!


 

Nightly Schedule

Thanksgiving week was not good for my health. I was at my parents house and they had some candy from Halloween. I could not stop from eating it all up.

Good news though, I got a job. I began training this week. I have to be there at 8 am so my schedule has been really tight. I had some coffee and I think it gave me motivation to go to the library and to the gym after class Monday. I came home and still managed to get to bed at a reasonable hour.

I think I can manage this new schedule, working out at night. Today is Tuesday. I made it to the library and to the gym again tonight. I did falter though; I ate two doughnuts. They weren't even that good. I regret it, because it wasn't worth it. I just have to get those thoughts out of my head. I start thinking about it and then I want it.

On Sunday I made a big batch of pasta and lentils so I would have dinner and lunch throughout the week. I passed up the lentils for a sandwich I bought at the grocery store. It was a Kings Hawaiian bun. Now that I am trying to avoid sugar it is to amazing how many things that are not sweets have sugar it. Even pasta sauce is sweet!

I feel good going into the finals week. I just need to keep this energy up and get work done.

Returning to Find the Excitement in the Mundane

I have gained weight. I have been depressed, sleeping and eating a lot.  It may be because of a new medication change, but still its bad. When I am in my lows I compulsively eat. That is what I am battling now,  staying in my bed all day and eating compulsively. I have realized it is an addiction.  I am addicted to sugar and carbs.  So what am I to do?

I am trying to create a schedule to keep me healthy, but  schedules are hard for me to follow, as this blog is a testament of.

I started this new schedule goal last Friday. I was going to wake up and  go to the gym before 8 am and abstain from eating sugar. I managed  to do it one day. I woke up and went to the gym that first morning (Friday). I was doing good at avoiding  sugar. I succeeded in 4 days without sugar, but then I cracked. I saw a picture of a  twinkie and I wanted one. I don't  even particularly like twenties. They are just okay in my opinion. I spent my last bit of money on twinkies &  cookies at 11 pm Tuesday and a candy bar at  4 pm today (Wednesday) and chocolate fruit bites at 6pm. That is even more evidence of the addiction. That is a long way  from where I was at the beginning  of the semester. The idea of being  addicted to food was very uncomfortable for me to face.

 

Thoughout the week I also realized that since I avoided sweets, I still compulsively ate carbs. What is really bad is that I will go to a lot of effort to have my addictive food. If I don't have any sweets on hand I will make some, the microwave cakes got me for awhile but recently I have gone to the lengths of making more strenuous foods such as shortbread cookies, yellow cake, and when I was avoiding sugar I made homemade focaccia. This was when all I had was a few ingredients in the house. I typically don't even like bread, I really just needed something to much on and the carrots weren't satisfying.

Soon I will learn how to avoid sweets and carbs and instead take satisfaction from having an apple or salad instead. Now I just have to focus on getting rid of the addiction.

I am realizing that I need to play to my strengths and weaknesses. I need to learn from my past and decide the best course of action. In the past I have used fitness pal to keep track of the every detailed account of what I ate. As you can tell from my blog posts I really don't like keeping track of what I eat. I tried sticking to a schedule of working out in the morning. These things helped, but they didn't work completely. I also need to learn to be flexible. If I fail to wake up one morning for early workouts then I can go in the afternoon or evening. It might help to keep a track of what I eat, but maybe be less detailed about it. Maybe only keeping track of when I ate rather than what I ate is more fitting.

I have to realize that I am not a morning person. It will always be difficult for me to wake up in the early morning. Therefore, I should not expect myself to wake up early to exercise. Today was a failure of the morning. I did not exercise, and missed a Dr. appointment. I stayed in bed to the very last minute that I needed for my interview. The day wasn't over. I still had time to exercise, so I went after class. Maybe exercise after class can become an option. I still would like to try to wake up early each morning to exercise, because it is healthy to have a schedule that prevents me from being in my bed all day.

I have also focused on a night time ritual. I get a cup of chamomile and ginger honey tea (yes it has sugar but it balances the strong ginger) at around 10pm. I also take my medication at 10 pm. This give me about an hour to do things like, write my blog, read the bible, read non-fiction or fiction. And another hour to focus on getting to bed, so I fall asleep at 12 (not go to bed at 12). It usually takes a little time to transition from being in bed to falling asleep.

 

 I want to come back to writing in my blog more. My first semester of grad school is coming to an end. I haven't been writing in here because I have been occupied with my grad school work, and plus I didn't feel like it. I really just didn't want to face my goals.

I have bipolar disorder and my moods wax and wane from goal directed motivation to lazy lack of interest. It is a struggle to find a balance and that is my goal for this blog. I am Determined-2b-Determined to "Find the Excitement in the Mundane "goals that will keep me healthy.