I am trying to create a schedule to keep me healthy, but schedules are hard for me to follow, as this blog is a testament of.
I started this new schedule goal last Friday. I was going to wake up and go to the gym before 8 am and abstain from eating sugar. I managed to do it one day. I woke up and went to the gym that first morning (Friday). I was doing good at avoiding sugar. I succeeded in 4 days without sugar, but then I cracked. I saw a picture of a twinkie and I wanted one. I don't even particularly like twenties. They are just okay in my opinion. I spent my last bit of money on twinkies & cookies at 11 pm Tuesday and a candy bar at 4 pm today (Wednesday) and chocolate fruit bites at 6pm. That is even more evidence of the addiction. That is a long way from where I was at the beginning of the semester. The idea of being addicted to food was very uncomfortable for me to face.
Thoughout the week I also realized that since I avoided sweets, I still compulsively ate carbs. What is really bad is that I will go to a lot of effort to have my addictive food. If I don't have any sweets on hand I will make some, the microwave cakes got me for awhile but recently I have gone to the lengths of making more strenuous foods such as shortbread cookies, yellow cake, and when I was avoiding sugar I made homemade focaccia. This was when all I had was a few ingredients in the house. I typically don't even like bread, I really just needed something to much on and the carrots weren't satisfying.
Soon I will learn how to avoid sweets and carbs and instead take satisfaction from having an apple or salad instead. Now I just have to focus on getting rid of the addiction.
I am realizing that I need to play to my strengths and weaknesses. I need to learn from my past and decide the best course of action. In the past I have used fitness pal to keep track of the every detailed account of what I ate. As you can tell from my blog posts I really don't like keeping track of what I eat. I tried sticking to a schedule of working out in the morning. These things helped, but they didn't work completely. I also need to learn to be flexible. If I fail to wake up one morning for early workouts then I can go in the afternoon or evening. It might help to keep a track of what I eat, but maybe be less detailed about it. Maybe only keeping track of when I ate rather than what I ate is more fitting.
I have to realize that I am not a morning person. It will always be difficult for me to wake up in the early morning. Therefore, I should not expect myself to wake up early to exercise. Today was a failure of the morning. I did not exercise, and missed a Dr. appointment. I stayed in bed to the very last minute that I needed for my interview. The day wasn't over. I still had time to exercise, so I went after class. Maybe exercise after class can become an option. I still would like to try to wake up early each morning to exercise, because it is healthy to have a schedule that prevents me from being in my bed all day.
I have also focused on a night time ritual. I get a cup of chamomile and ginger honey tea (yes it has sugar but it balances the strong ginger) at around 10pm. I also take my medication at 10 pm. This give me about an hour to do things like, write my blog, read the bible, read non-fiction or fiction. And another hour to focus on getting to bed, so I fall asleep at 12 (not go to bed at 12). It usually takes a little time to transition from being in bed to falling asleep.
I want to come back to writing in my blog more. My first semester of grad school is coming to an end. I haven't been writing in here because I have been occupied with my grad school work, and plus I didn't feel like it. I really just didn't want to face my goals.
I have bipolar disorder and my moods wax and wane from goal directed motivation to lazy lack of interest. It is a struggle to find a balance and that is my goal for this blog. I am Determined-2b-Determined to "Find the Excitement in the Mundane "goals that will keep me healthy. 
No comments:
Post a Comment