Monday, back to work. I spend the day a home I nanny at. Lately there hasn't been much good to eat there, except sweets and junk food. I had a little bit more time this morning so I was able to grab a chick-fla chicken biscuit. As I was eating it I was realizing how greasy it was. I really need to be more restrictive. Of course sometimes its convenience. I need to get back to what I was doing before. Always having something on hand to prevent me from eating something unhealthy. For a quick breakfast I had nutrition shakes to take on the road. They have a lot of sugar, but I figure they are still better for me. I know they have more nutrition - vitamins and minerals. I was thirsty. I used to be content with water, but lately I want something flavored. I really should have bought the orange juice at chick-fla, because now I wanted the unhealthy Fanta. I side stepped the Fanta and went for the more healthy option of chocolate milk, but it didn't satisfy. It wasn't wet enough. So later I ended up drinking the Fanta too. For lunch I made pasta, but it was terrible. I would have eaten it, but I figured why waste the calories. Since I was so unsatisfied with lunch I ate a chocolate chip cookie. I also had eaten some watermelon as a snack. The watermelon was nice and juicy. I love fruit and if I always had it on hand it really would keep me out of trouble. When I got home I had half of a protein shake to tide me over until dinner. I went to a meet up at the wing café. I drank water and had 10 wings and celery sticks. Wings aren't the most healthy because they are fried (not breaded), but at least it is solid protein. I forgot to add I had a bite of dark chocolate when I was waiting for dinner. That is an example of mindless eating. Something I need to quit, and replace with smart snacks. I need to be better prepared.
I am learning a lot by reflecting on what I eat, but I really need to make changes. Should I go back to counting calories? I found it to be so finicky. Such a trouble trying to get the exact food. I would rather just make better choices and eat smaller portions.
The meet up was really enjoyable. I had several in depth conversations about my faith and that of others. I think the shema I am wearing on my wrist started all the conversation. It is a beautiful thing. I have plans to meet up with two of the guys I met there tonight. One was pursing me for a relationship. He expressed wanting to see me again and qualities about myself he likes. We discussed things that are important to us in dating. We were in agreement. He expressed an interest in my faith which is very important to me. The other guy is Jewish and from Iran he says he doesn't practice it much. I asked him what he thought about Yahushua (Jesus) he said He didn't believe in him and something about kabbalah and mystics. I don't know, but he was interested in continuing our conversation about it and we are meeting.
Mundane: poor choices in food
Excitement: Meeting a guy who is interested in having a relationship with me and interested in my faith
no exercise
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Wedding and Travel
Saturday was the day of the wedding. Sunday (today) was the day I traveled back. These are the kind of days that I am prone to skipping putting on here, because I am so busy and probably didn't do the best time watching what I ate.
On Saturday I went to breakfast at the hotel. I had an omelet with cheese tomato peppers and onions, cranberry juice, and pineapple juice. I went back to bed, by time I woke up it was lunch time. I drove downtown Dallas, because I was determined to see the city even just for a little. I went to this nice hotel restaurant and had fried redfish sandwich with lettuce tomato and tartar sauce on a bun with a side of salad with vinaigrette. I am proud of getting the salad instead of the fries. Next was the wedding. I had two pieces of bite sized toast with tomatoes and cheese on it and a chicken finger. I also had 8 oz. sprite. I had some wedding cake, but only a small piece.
Sunday I woke up and was going to a brunch so while I was waiting for that I munched on too many cookie. I probably should have never bought those cookies, but they were homemade and looked so innocent. At brunch I had a small breakfast burrito with cheese potatoes and eggs, pineapple, raspberries, strawberries, tomatoes in vinaigrette, orange juice, cappuccino with cocoa, a slice of special bread. For dinner I had Cajun fries from five guys, pita with beef, hummus, cucumber tomato, yoghurt sauce, then I had a shortbread with dark chocolate.
No exercise.
Mundane eating too many cookies
Excitement choosing lettuce and not very much cake nor appetizers
On Saturday I went to breakfast at the hotel. I had an omelet with cheese tomato peppers and onions, cranberry juice, and pineapple juice. I went back to bed, by time I woke up it was lunch time. I drove downtown Dallas, because I was determined to see the city even just for a little. I went to this nice hotel restaurant and had fried redfish sandwich with lettuce tomato and tartar sauce on a bun with a side of salad with vinaigrette. I am proud of getting the salad instead of the fries. Next was the wedding. I had two pieces of bite sized toast with tomatoes and cheese on it and a chicken finger. I also had 8 oz. sprite. I had some wedding cake, but only a small piece.
Sunday I woke up and was going to a brunch so while I was waiting for that I munched on too many cookie. I probably should have never bought those cookies, but they were homemade and looked so innocent. At brunch I had a small breakfast burrito with cheese potatoes and eggs, pineapple, raspberries, strawberries, tomatoes in vinaigrette, orange juice, cappuccino with cocoa, a slice of special bread. For dinner I had Cajun fries from five guys, pita with beef, hummus, cucumber tomato, yoghurt sauce, then I had a shortbread with dark chocolate.
No exercise.
Mundane eating too many cookies
Excitement choosing lettuce and not very much cake nor appetizers
Friday, July 11, 2014
7-10-14
We set out for Dallas, TX today. I started the day out with a bowl of granola like cereal with dried fruit. Before we left town we stopped at Chick-fla. My mom, dad and me all shared 4 fried chicken strips, 8 grilled nuggets, and waffle fries. I probably ended up having 1.5 strips, and 4 grilled nuggets, 5 fries. I was drinking 8oz of root beer. We finished the meal with strawberries. I probably had 4. I had some Chex mix and mixed nuts on our drive as snacks. For dinner we ate at a buffet in a casino. I think I did very well for eating at a buffet. I filled my plate completely with vegetables, then got one slice of turkey which I only ate half of. The vegetables included: creamy cauliflower (it was really good and could be an alternative to pasta alfredo), broccoli with onions, cream corn, stuffing, okra in stewed tomatoes (I didn't eat much of it because I didn't like it). I think that is all. I did have dessert. A few bites of strawberry cheese cake, a few bites of chocolate cake, one scoop of vanilla ice cream.
I did not exercise today.
Finding excitement: We went to several gas stations and vending machines and I resisted from buying junk food or candy.
Being on a vacation might be difficult to watch what I eat. I think the main thing is to enjoy the food, not worry about what it is, but just making sure I keep my proportions small.
I did not exercise today.
Finding excitement: We went to several gas stations and vending machines and I resisted from buying junk food or candy.
Being on a vacation might be difficult to watch what I eat. I think the main thing is to enjoy the food, not worry about what it is, but just making sure I keep my proportions small.
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
No Cookies!
Today I did well.
Yesterday when I went to the psychiatrist and expressed my concern for my weight in regards to my medication, because most bipolar medications can cause weight gain, She was insistent to impress on me that my eating habits were the cause of the weight gain. She asked me some questions about what I eat, what my weakness were. I said it was sweets. She asked me what kind and I said whatever is near by. She told me to that I couldn't exclude all sweets and that I needed to pick out one thing. I said cookies. The house I nanny at always has cookies around. I take one here and there and don't think too much of it. It was uncomfortable talking with my doctor like that, but it was helpful and I am thankful that she pushed me to recognize that I need to take responsibility and make better choices about what I eat. Excitement Today I did not have any cookies! or any dessert for that matter.
On that note here is what I did eat:
nutrition shake, 1 slice wheat bread 1 egg 1 slice American cheese. minestrone soup with ritz crackers, clear nutrition drink. small portion of noodles chicken and egg, small bit of special k cereal and 2%milk, a couple of sips of root beer.
Mundane I did not exercise Determination its not quite there yet for exercise but I do get excited to exercise when I am doing it with other people like hiking or softball.
Yesterday when I went to the psychiatrist and expressed my concern for my weight in regards to my medication, because most bipolar medications can cause weight gain, She was insistent to impress on me that my eating habits were the cause of the weight gain. She asked me some questions about what I eat, what my weakness were. I said it was sweets. She asked me what kind and I said whatever is near by. She told me to that I couldn't exclude all sweets and that I needed to pick out one thing. I said cookies. The house I nanny at always has cookies around. I take one here and there and don't think too much of it. It was uncomfortable talking with my doctor like that, but it was helpful and I am thankful that she pushed me to recognize that I need to take responsibility and make better choices about what I eat. Excitement Today I did not have any cookies! or any dessert for that matter.
On that note here is what I did eat:
nutrition shake, 1 slice wheat bread 1 egg 1 slice American cheese. minestrone soup with ritz crackers, clear nutrition drink. small portion of noodles chicken and egg, small bit of special k cereal and 2%milk, a couple of sips of root beer.
Mundane I did not exercise Determination its not quite there yet for exercise but I do get excited to exercise when I am doing it with other people like hiking or softball.
I slipped away - being honest and determined
When I start slipping away from my goals I slip away from writing about it. I think writing here when I go through those times would help me to get back on track. I think I shy away from it, because I am ashamed. But here I am again time after time of slipping away, I am back to begin again.
I like to keep some things to myself. I like to present things a little softer. One big thing I have been avoiding is my weight. Much of the motivation to start this blog is to motivate me to exercise and eat right. I have not being up front about the fact that I want to loose weight. I have said instead said "get healthy". Admitting that I need/want to loose weight is stigmatized in my mind. I don't want to be in the category of every other woman out there who thinks she is fat. I hate that. I have always taken pride in being satisfied with myself. Truth is I am not, but instead of facing that fact I have just avoided it. I want to be more open about my quest to loose weight. With that I want to share with you, something I have not been vocal about, my weight.
To use this blog to be most effective in my journey to Find the Excitement in the Mundane I need to be more consistent about posting. I am going to try this general format: begin with what is mundane provide explanation then end with how I am being determined about finding excitement in it. Additionally I will post what I ate that day and if I did any exercise and my weight and waist (once a week). I want to say that some posts may end up being only a few sentences, but I don't want brevity to prevent me from posting. Even posting a small reflection will help me to stay on track and meet my goals.
Today
Mundane: Accepting I am fat and it is because of the poor choices I take in my diet
Grub: Frootloops, some cookies, panda express bowl veggies and mushroom chicken, sweet raspberry tea, homemade couis couis ground beef cheese pablano peppers, boiled cob corn and broccoli, fresh strawberries in Hershey's chocolate spread
Exercise: Not today
Lbs.: 171 (doctors scale)
Find Excitement: I made this post after months without, which is a sign of progress. The beginning of tracking progress.
I like to keep some things to myself. I like to present things a little softer. One big thing I have been avoiding is my weight. Much of the motivation to start this blog is to motivate me to exercise and eat right. I have not being up front about the fact that I want to loose weight. I have said instead said "get healthy". Admitting that I need/want to loose weight is stigmatized in my mind. I don't want to be in the category of every other woman out there who thinks she is fat. I hate that. I have always taken pride in being satisfied with myself. Truth is I am not, but instead of facing that fact I have just avoided it. I want to be more open about my quest to loose weight. With that I want to share with you, something I have not been vocal about, my weight.
To use this blog to be most effective in my journey to Find the Excitement in the Mundane I need to be more consistent about posting. I am going to try this general format: begin with what is mundane provide explanation then end with how I am being determined about finding excitement in it. Additionally I will post what I ate that day and if I did any exercise and my weight and waist (once a week). I want to say that some posts may end up being only a few sentences, but I don't want brevity to prevent me from posting. Even posting a small reflection will help me to stay on track and meet my goals.
Today
Mundane: Accepting I am fat and it is because of the poor choices I take in my diet
Grub: Frootloops, some cookies, panda express bowl veggies and mushroom chicken, sweet raspberry tea, homemade couis couis ground beef cheese pablano peppers, boiled cob corn and broccoli, fresh strawberries in Hershey's chocolate spread
Exercise: Not today
Lbs.: 171 (doctors scale)
Find Excitement: I made this post after months without, which is a sign of progress. The beginning of tracking progress.
"Motivation is hard to come by. It is my motto of the season to find excitement in the mundane. This is the only way I believe I can conjure up some motivation to do all the things I need to do for a better life but don't want to do. It is about convincing myself that I want this. I am not determined, but I want to be. I want to be determined, I want to be consistent. I need to be. All of my goals are nothing without consistency." -Me from previous post
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Flipped
This past week was better than the last but as the week was ending things got flipped.
I did manage to meet my quota for volunteering. I made it to the morning volunteer work once this week on Wednesday. By the grace of Yahweh it was easier for me to find willing participants. I was supposed to go Thursday morning, but opted not to for the excuse that I was sick the night before. Yep I got sick this week. Wednesday afternoon during my usual nanny job I started having a head ache which got progressively worse as the day continued and finally as the night came I was vomiting. Vomiting is terrible! It may have been from leftover fish I ate, but I have never heard of food sickness starting as a headache. Thankfully I was not scheduled to waitress Wednesday night.
Thursday night I did not sleep. I made use of the time and did some recumbent bike slower higher resistance for 30 minutes. I managed to get one hour before I had to get ready to leave to go to the volunteer meeting. I was still about 7 minutes late. I have the tendency to stay in bed until the "OH SHIT I better go now or else" moment. My mood while doing volunteer work on Thursday was better than it was on Wednesday. I was cheerful and confident. The lack of sleep seemed to put me in a better mood. I think that too much sleep can put me in a down mood.
I noticed my appetite was less Friday night. I hardly ate any dinner. I wonder if it is because I did not sleep the night before.
Friday night I went to sleep at my usual time of 12am. I had my alarm set for two separate times, not too early. I was trying to get myself in the habit of waking up earlier because I have to be at work at 7:45am all next week. I somehow slept through all my alarms - I don't even recall hearing them. I finally got out of bed at 1 something and didn't make it to Sabbath service until 2pm - 2 hours late. AND I was still sleepy during the service. So much so I went to my car to take a nap. Even after taking the nap, when I came inside I was still sleepy! What in the world!
Now it is Sunday Morning 7:30am and I was unable to sleep. And I have to work 11 hours waitressing today. :-) I think I will be okay though.
On the plus side while I was not sleeping I was very productive and had some creative ideas as well as very well needed prayers. I have been lacking in prayer and spiritual activity. But praise Yahweh I finsally had ap 2 way conversation in prayer and also a revelation from Luke ch 1. More on that in my other blog: Walking with Yahushua
I did manage to meet my quota for volunteering. I made it to the morning volunteer work once this week on Wednesday. By the grace of Yahweh it was easier for me to find willing participants. I was supposed to go Thursday morning, but opted not to for the excuse that I was sick the night before. Yep I got sick this week. Wednesday afternoon during my usual nanny job I started having a head ache which got progressively worse as the day continued and finally as the night came I was vomiting. Vomiting is terrible! It may have been from leftover fish I ate, but I have never heard of food sickness starting as a headache. Thankfully I was not scheduled to waitress Wednesday night.
Thursday night I did not sleep. I made use of the time and did some recumbent bike slower higher resistance for 30 minutes. I managed to get one hour before I had to get ready to leave to go to the volunteer meeting. I was still about 7 minutes late. I have the tendency to stay in bed until the "OH SHIT I better go now or else" moment. My mood while doing volunteer work on Thursday was better than it was on Wednesday. I was cheerful and confident. The lack of sleep seemed to put me in a better mood. I think that too much sleep can put me in a down mood.
I noticed my appetite was less Friday night. I hardly ate any dinner. I wonder if it is because I did not sleep the night before.
Friday night I went to sleep at my usual time of 12am. I had my alarm set for two separate times, not too early. I was trying to get myself in the habit of waking up earlier because I have to be at work at 7:45am all next week. I somehow slept through all my alarms - I don't even recall hearing them. I finally got out of bed at 1 something and didn't make it to Sabbath service until 2pm - 2 hours late. AND I was still sleepy during the service. So much so I went to my car to take a nap. Even after taking the nap, when I came inside I was still sleepy! What in the world!
Now it is Sunday Morning 7:30am and I was unable to sleep. And I have to work 11 hours waitressing today. :-) I think I will be okay though.
On the plus side while I was not sleeping I was very productive and had some creative ideas as well as very well needed prayers. I have been lacking in prayer and spiritual activity. But praise Yahweh I finsally had ap 2 way conversation in prayer and also a revelation from Luke ch 1. More on that in my other blog: Walking with Yahushua
Thursday, March 20, 2014
waking up
I feel like such a failure. I have missed going to my volunteer work in the morning several times, because I couldn't wake up in time. I even went into work this week an hour late. I have a big problem with not waking up on time. It makes me feel like just quitting everything, all my obligations. But then I would be stuck in the bed all day, days on end. I want to keep my obligations, to keep me out of that depressed state. Is it my medication that makes me so difficult at waking up? Or is it just how I am naturally; Come to think of it even in elementary school I was hard to wake up. I was often chasing after the bus. I don't know what to do.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Better
My alarm went off at 6am, I brushed it off. Thinking that's too early. My habits show that I prefer to wake up at the last minute and rush to the destination. I really needed to think to myself 6am yay I'm awake for prayer (that is when it starts), but that wasn't on my mind. I woke up with enough time to take a shower eat cereal and make it downtown for volunteering at 9/930. I was surprised at how quickly I made it there. What usually takes an hour took more like 30 minutes, I guess the traffic was less.
I remembered to bring a sandwich with me. It was a leftover one slice of panini, it didn't taste that great but I was happy I had it on me at the volunteer office, because I was hungry. I also brought an apple with me that I left in the car. It was a solid small meal. I actually like the idea of not eating a full meal, because I am already prone to snacking. Sweets are still in the picture, but I am knocking out fast food and adding fruit :-).
Another gold star goes to me for buying a bag of apples and oranges to keep in my car to add to my variety of granola bars, tuna salad kits, and Campbell's on the go soup hand-helds. I now am fully prepared for any hunger pains when I'm on the go. I have no excuse for fast food. I keep a few in the front, but most of it is in the trunk out of reach. This is also better than keeping it in the house, because I would eat it if it were in the pantry.
YAY! next goal to knock out, waking up 6am for prayer and exercise.
I remembered to bring a sandwich with me. It was a leftover one slice of panini, it didn't taste that great but I was happy I had it on me at the volunteer office, because I was hungry. I also brought an apple with me that I left in the car. It was a solid small meal. I actually like the idea of not eating a full meal, because I am already prone to snacking. Sweets are still in the picture, but I am knocking out fast food and adding fruit :-).
Another gold star goes to me for buying a bag of apples and oranges to keep in my car to add to my variety of granola bars, tuna salad kits, and Campbell's on the go soup hand-helds. I now am fully prepared for any hunger pains when I'm on the go. I have no excuse for fast food. I keep a few in the front, but most of it is in the trunk out of reach. This is also better than keeping it in the house, because I would eat it if it were in the pantry.
YAY! next goal to knock out, waking up 6am for prayer and exercise.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Fast food
Today I did not wake up early for prayer or exercise, but I did wake up so I was on time to my volunteer position. Which I am very happy about considering I stayed awake until 4am. So I had a choice as I was leaving volunteering, eat tuna salad, eat fast food, or rush home and eat some left overs. I choose fast food. I thought I wouldn't have enough time to go home but it prob would have been about the same as fast food. I couldn't eat the tuna salad on the run (while driving), so I was shying away form that. The best thing would have been if I would have remembered to bring my leftovers to eat before I left volunteering. Or at least brought the tuna salad to the office so I could eat it before I got to my car. I need to keep this in mind for Wednesday.
So eating the fast food burger was terrible. It had too much ketchup and the onion rings just tasted like oil. I hardly even ate any of them. I really want to quit fast food completely. I dunno maybe I could allow some flexibility if I'm in a bind to only have grilled chicken or salad from fast food. Its so hard for me to exclude things from my diet.
I really need to buy some fruit and vegetables. I need to always have fruit on me.
So eating the fast food burger was terrible. It had too much ketchup and the onion rings just tasted like oil. I hardly even ate any of them. I really want to quit fast food completely. I dunno maybe I could allow some flexibility if I'm in a bind to only have grilled chicken or salad from fast food. Its so hard for me to exclude things from my diet.
I really need to buy some fruit and vegetables. I need to always have fruit on me.
Looking back and going forward
I took the time to look back at when I began this post, to refresh the meaning behind it.
Quotes from my first post:
I will try to be better about posting regularly.
Quotes from my first post:
Kindling the Fire of Existence
I am embracing life. I realized that life is what you make of it, and my life right now isn't much. And I am the only one who can make something of my life. It takes effort too. I am ready to embrace that effort - to kindle that fire.
Motivation is hard to come by. It is my motto of the season to find excitement in the mundane. This is the only way I believe I can conjure up some motivation to do all the things I need to do for a better life but don't want to do. It is about convincing myself that I want this. I am not determined, but I want to be. I want to be determined, I want to be consistent. I need to be. All of my goals are nothing without consistency.
My hope is that having this blog I can reflect on my struggles and have a sense of accountability, and maybe one day someone will read this when I have succeeded and I can be an inspiration. My goals are small and simple, but my goal is more about gaining an attitude - the determination and commitment. With determination and commitment I can accomplish any other goal that I may come up with.Quoted from my profile:
I am determined to become determined, because determination is what is needed to survive in the life. I need determination to accomplish anything. My story is about gaining the motivation and applying it to my life.I want to be more frequent about posting. I have not been posting daily, I should at least post weekly. I think I haven't been posting, because I don't want to reveal my failures. I should be honest though.
I will try to be better about posting regularly.
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