Flipped

This past week was better than the last but as the week was ending things got flipped.
I did manage to meet my quota for volunteering. I made it to the morning volunteer work once this week on Wednesday. By the grace of Yahweh it was easier for me to find willing participants. I was supposed to go Thursday morning, but opted not to for the excuse that I was sick the night before. Yep I got sick this week. Wednesday afternoon during my usual nanny job I started having a head ache which got progressively worse as the day continued and finally as the night came I was vomiting. Vomiting is terrible! It may have been from leftover fish I ate, but I have never heard of food sickness starting as a headache. Thankfully I was not scheduled to waitress Wednesday night.

Thursday night I did not sleep. I made use of the time and did some recumbent bike slower higher resistance for 30 minutes. I managed to get one hour before I had to get ready to leave to go to the volunteer meeting. I was still about 7 minutes late. I have the tendency to stay in bed until the "OH SHIT I better go now or else" moment. My mood while doing volunteer work on Thursday was better than it was on Wednesday. I was cheerful and confident. The lack of sleep seemed to put me in a better mood. I think that too much sleep can put me in a down mood.

I noticed my appetite was less Friday night. I hardly ate any dinner. I wonder if it is because I did not sleep the night before.

Friday night I went to sleep at my usual time of 12am. I had my alarm set for two separate times, not too early. I was trying to get myself in the habit of waking up earlier because I have to be at work at 7:45am all next week. I somehow slept through all my alarms - I don't even recall hearing them. I finally got out of bed at 1 something and didn't make it to Sabbath service until 2pm - 2 hours late. AND I was still sleepy during the service. So much so I went to my car to take a nap. Even after taking the nap, when I came inside I was still sleepy! What in the world!

Now it is Sunday Morning 7:30am and I was unable to sleep. And I have to work 11 hours waitressing today. :-) I think I will be okay though.   

On the plus side while I was not sleeping I was very productive and had some creative ideas as well as very well needed prayers. I have been lacking in prayer and spiritual activity. But praise Yahweh I finsally had ap 2 way conversation in prayer and also a revelation from Luke ch 1. More on that in my other blog: Walking with Yahushua

waking up

I feel like such a failure. I have missed going to my volunteer work in the morning several times, because I couldn't wake up in time. I even went into work this week an hour late. I have a big problem with not waking up on time. It makes me feel like just quitting everything, all my obligations. But then I would be stuck in the bed all day, days on end. I want to keep my obligations, to keep me out of that depressed state. Is it my medication that makes me so difficult at waking up? Or is it just how I am naturally; Come to think of it even in elementary school I  was hard to wake up. I was often chasing after the bus. I don't know what to do.

Better

My alarm went off at 6am, I brushed it off. Thinking that's too early. My habits show that I prefer to wake up at the last minute and rush to the destination. I really needed to think to myself 6am yay I'm awake for prayer (that is when it starts), but that wasn't on my mind. I woke up with enough time to take a shower eat cereal and make it downtown for volunteering at 9/930. I was surprised at how quickly I made it there. What usually takes an hour took more like 30 minutes, I guess the traffic was less.

I remembered to bring a sandwich with me. It was a leftover one slice of panini, it didn't taste that great but I was happy I had it on me at the volunteer office, because I was hungry. I also brought an apple with me that I left in the car. It was a solid small meal. I actually like the idea of not eating a full meal, because I am already prone to snacking. Sweets are still in the picture, but I am knocking out fast food  and adding fruit :-).

Another gold star goes to me for buying a bag of apples and oranges to keep in my car to add to my variety of granola bars, tuna salad kits, and Campbell's on the go soup hand-helds. I now am fully prepared for any hunger pains when I'm on the go. I have no excuse for fast food. I keep a few in the front, but most of it is in the trunk out of reach. This is also better than keeping it in the house, because I would eat it if it were in the pantry.

YAY! next goal to knock out, waking up 6am for prayer and exercise.

Fast food

Today I did not wake up early for prayer or exercise, but I did wake up so I was on time to my volunteer position. Which I am very happy about considering I stayed awake until 4am. So I had a choice as I was leaving volunteering, eat tuna salad, eat fast food, or rush home and eat some left overs. I choose fast food. I thought I wouldn't have enough time to go home but it prob would have been about the same as fast food. I couldn't eat the tuna salad on the run (while driving), so I was shying away form that. The best thing would have been if I would have remembered to bring my leftovers to eat before I left volunteering. Or at least brought the tuna salad to the office so I could eat it before I got to my car. I need to keep this in mind for Wednesday.
So eating the fast food burger was terrible. It had too much ketchup and the onion rings just tasted like oil. I hardly even ate any of them. I really want to quit fast food completely. I dunno maybe I could allow some flexibility if I'm in a bind to only have grilled chicken or salad from fast food. Its so hard for me to exclude things from my diet.
I really need to buy some fruit and vegetables. I need to always have fruit on me.

Looking back and going forward

I took the time to look back at when I began this post, to refresh the meaning behind it.

Quotes from my first post:

Kindling the Fire of Existence

I am embracing life. I realized that life is what you make of it, and my life right now isn't much. And I am the only one who can make something of my life. It takes effort too. I am ready to embrace that effort - to kindle that fire.

Motivation is hard to come by. It is my motto of the season to find excitement in the mundane. This is the only way I believe I can conjure up some motivation to do all the things I need to do for a better life but don't want to do. It is about convincing myself that I want this. I am not determined, but I want to be. I want to be determined, I want to be consistent. I need to be. All of my goals are nothing without consistency.

My hope is that having this blog I can reflect on my struggles and have a sense of accountability, and maybe one day someone will read this when I have succeeded and I can be an inspiration. My goals are small and simple, but my goal is more about gaining an attitude - the determination and commitment. With determination and commitment I can accomplish any other goal that I may come up with. 

Quoted from my profile:

I am determined to become determined, because determination is what is needed to survive in the life. I need determination to accomplish anything. My story is about gaining the motivation and applying it to my life.

I want to be more frequent about posting. I have not been posting daily, I should at least post weekly. I think I haven't been posting, because I don't want to reveal my failures. I should be honest though.

I will try to be better about posting regularly.