Confession

I don't like that I don't like the way I look in pictures in the mirror. I don't like that I notice people's weight. It's like when you are focused on your own weight you notice others. I am thinking about joining a gym. My hesitation, I don't have enough money. That is pathetic. It doesn't even cost that much. I should make provision. I don't hesitate to spend money at low cost food. I need to make a commitment.

Productive Day

Yay! I had a day off from work and got a lot done. I planted some bulbs and cleaned my room. Did laundry. Made a hat/scarf rack. Hung my diploma. Removed old clothes from my closet. Vacuumed. Cleaned the ceiling fan and tightened the bolts so I could use it. My room was a mess. I still had some things laying around from when I moved here in January. I found two things that were lost, my camera and my big set of markers. :) so glad I did not lose them for real.
It's not finished yet though. I still have to put all my clean clothes up and do something with my old clothes. I have some great items so I want to sell them but it will take time to catalogue.

Finding the excitement in the mundane...I feel so much better now that my room is clean. Doing these mundane tasks might suck but the reward is great. It was hard work digging but it will be great to look at the flowers that come up and know I made it happen. I might actually enjoy being in my room now that I can walk around.

I need to focus on this progress and not let it slip. It's 8:30pm and I still have some time left in the day to get my clothes put up.

So I'm singing off to get it done :)

Its Time

I got a job and have been waking up early for work. I am still sleeping pretty late. I am doing good though. I feel good. And I feel ready to start making changes to loose weight. With changes in medications I have been on this loop of gaining and loosing weight. I don't like the feeling of looking at photos and not liking it as much. I don't like comparing myself to a lighter me and thinking I look better or worse.

So I'm going to do some searching to find out what kind of diet I want to go on. I really don't like the idea of diets, I just need to figure out what changes to make. I am okay with loosing weight slowly.

Today I was productive. Last night I didn't sleep...

Today I was productive. Last night I didn't sleep...

At the end of last week I had fixed my sleep schedule to the "normal" (sleeping when its dark). I had been going to sleep at like 3 and 4am and waking up late in the afternoon. I have a tendency to want to stay awake at night. I wouldn't call it insomnia. I just don't like going to sleep and I don't like waking up. It leads to me sleeping away the morning.

To get my schedule back to normal I usually stay awake during the night and day until it is the following night. That is what I did last night, because I wanted to be awake for the weekend.

This isn't healthy. As a person with Bipolar I should't be missing sleep. But It makes me wonder...If I am more productive on the day I didn't sleep than when I went sleep late and slept throught the morning maybe it is a good thing. Maybe I should do an occasional sleepless night, especially during times like this when I am sleeping more than normal on the nights I sleep.

I suppose it would be best to just sleep between 10pm and 10am, but that just isn't my tendency (unless I have obligations).