Day 4
It is night time and currently my mood is conflicted. I got tired around 4pm and also had a headache at that time. I thought some caffeine would be a good idea, because it wakes you up and can help get rid of a headache. Well it turned out to be a bad idea. It did nothing for my headache and now, about five hours later, I can still feel the caffeine in my system. I have a slight tremor within me that makes me feel like jumping out of my skin. I tried to take a nap around 4pm, but it didn't stick so I am still tired. As I was saying my mood is conflicted, my body is in angst from the caffeine but is also tired from waking up early. This is not fun. Caffeine is not the answer for me.
Also when I was tired around 4pm I ate some chips, though they were baked pita chips were still quite unhealthy. I realized as I continued eating the chips when I was no longer hungry that I was mainly eating because I wasn't feeling good. Maybe I was just trying to find enjoyment in the way the chips tasted (they were flavored like garlic bread) to mask my stupor and headache. I am glad I recognized that and quit eating. It is important to be aware of how I am feeling and how I respond to it, so I can make improvements.
Today I did a lot less than other says-mainly due to my headache; I just did a short amount of reading from the grammar book. I did, however, go on a walk with the dogs. I realized from the grammar book that I need to do first drafts in my writing, in school I would usually procrastinate and not have enough time to get a second draft or revisions. I need to realize that a first draft really should be me just thinking on the page, getting out ideas, not really focusing on rules or grammar. Maybe something to do when I first get the assignment, when I don't have much concrete information like research to include. Doing this will help eliminate the fears I sometimes have about starting a big paper. I often have writers block and don't know how to start my paper, but it is all just me psyching myself out. Even though the writing I am doing in this blog is very casual, I can still work on my grammar. One way I am implementing that is by first writing my thoughts in my journal (hand written - I can easily express myself in hand writing) and then transfer it to the online blog after my mind has time to process (a day later). I have found that I have more add when I am go to write the blog; the journal works by bringing up the topic and I expound on it here. All of this happens subconsciously - its not like I held back when I was writing the journal; I said all that was on my mind. It's just that after a day my mind has processed the experience more and can create more concrete and developed responses to the experience. This should work the same for academic writing. The mind takes time to process things, but it will not do it on its own; you have to bring it up - talk about it write about it think about it repeatedly. Its like when you tell a story over and over. The more you tell it it evolves. You realize how you felt in that moment the more you tell the story and can insert those feelings in the story.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
More than Showing Up
Day 3
I got a late start today. I didn't really start doing stuff till 12 or 1 pm. I did not want to get out of bed this morning and wash my face immediately, so I didn't. There is something about me that just has to hit the snooze button like three times before I feel obligated to get out of bed, and even when I finally get out of bed I feel like chillin out in my PJs before I really get anything important done. Maybe I just have to get used to doing those oh-so-necessary morning routine tasks while I still feel like a zombie. I want to throw in my motto here and tell myself, "wake up excited to do the mundane!", but that just does not seem very practical. How bout this: I will dip my toe into the idea of waking up excited to do my routine, and maybe the next day I will have my whole foot in and edventually my whole body - which will be (still in my swimming pool metaphor) like standing in an ice bath, but maybe after many days of getting excited about doing my morning routine right after I wake up I will finally get used to the cool water and start swimming in that pool freely. Then I will be able to wake up ready to wash my face and exercise. All of this is in theory, but hey you have to convince your mind first, and your body will follow.
Today after I stalled for awhile, I finally took a shower and guess what, I did a leg workout after. That was the first time for me to workout in the morning, it was afternoon already but who cares! That was one of my goals to eventually build up to doing exercises both in the morning and night, and I did it! I didn't expect to achieve to that goal so quickly, but now it is a matter of doing it everyday. I also met my goal that I stated yesterday: go beyond the bare minimum and do more than just show up! I am beginning to believe this journaling (or blogging) is truly effective. It may help by making my mind process and develop how I feel and how I want to improve. By reflecting back you automatically asses the strengths and weakness, which allow you to make goals to improve.
Throughout the day I focused on reading and doing the exercises from Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain. I became stressed out during the exercises that really challenged you to use the right side of your brain. I had to stop at some point and just breath to release the stress. Maybe I was being too careful, and because I was trying to be exact. I hope I can learn to control that stress; it would be very unfortunate for me to get stressed every time I go to draw.
The highlight of my day was calling a friend I had not talked to in months. I was looking for support or really just someone to console me, because I had received another rejection letter from a college. I had not talked to her in months, because I often withdraw from friends who are long distance due to my insecurities. I think that calling them would not be fruitful, or I think that my friend wouldn't really want to talk to me. I think, "they are so far away what is the point." I am so glad I called though. She was so happy to hear from me, and just talking to her uplifted me. I was all smiles. I realized that my insecurities are usually invalid, and even if they were valid there is benefit in calling a friend just to say that you care about them and that you want to see how they are doing. My desire should be to show my friends that I care about them and miss them, and not worry about if they feel the same way. Even if the only reason for calling a friend is to tell them you care about them, that should be enough. To be able to show you care and love for another person is life's greatest gift, and I hope I always remember that.
I got a late start today. I didn't really start doing stuff till 12 or 1 pm. I did not want to get out of bed this morning and wash my face immediately, so I didn't. There is something about me that just has to hit the snooze button like three times before I feel obligated to get out of bed, and even when I finally get out of bed I feel like chillin out in my PJs before I really get anything important done. Maybe I just have to get used to doing those oh-so-necessary morning routine tasks while I still feel like a zombie. I want to throw in my motto here and tell myself, "wake up excited to do the mundane!", but that just does not seem very practical. How bout this: I will dip my toe into the idea of waking up excited to do my routine, and maybe the next day I will have my whole foot in and edventually my whole body - which will be (still in my swimming pool metaphor) like standing in an ice bath, but maybe after many days of getting excited about doing my morning routine right after I wake up I will finally get used to the cool water and start swimming in that pool freely. Then I will be able to wake up ready to wash my face and exercise. All of this is in theory, but hey you have to convince your mind first, and your body will follow.
Today after I stalled for awhile, I finally took a shower and guess what, I did a leg workout after. That was the first time for me to workout in the morning, it was afternoon already but who cares! That was one of my goals to eventually build up to doing exercises both in the morning and night, and I did it! I didn't expect to achieve to that goal so quickly, but now it is a matter of doing it everyday. I also met my goal that I stated yesterday: go beyond the bare minimum and do more than just show up! I am beginning to believe this journaling (or blogging) is truly effective. It may help by making my mind process and develop how I feel and how I want to improve. By reflecting back you automatically asses the strengths and weakness, which allow you to make goals to improve.
Throughout the day I focused on reading and doing the exercises from Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain. I became stressed out during the exercises that really challenged you to use the right side of your brain. I had to stop at some point and just breath to release the stress. Maybe I was being too careful, and because I was trying to be exact. I hope I can learn to control that stress; it would be very unfortunate for me to get stressed every time I go to draw.
The highlight of my day was calling a friend I had not talked to in months. I was looking for support or really just someone to console me, because I had received another rejection letter from a college. I had not talked to her in months, because I often withdraw from friends who are long distance due to my insecurities. I think that calling them would not be fruitful, or I think that my friend wouldn't really want to talk to me. I think, "they are so far away what is the point." I am so glad I called though. She was so happy to hear from me, and just talking to her uplifted me. I was all smiles. I realized that my insecurities are usually invalid, and even if they were valid there is benefit in calling a friend just to say that you care about them and that you want to see how they are doing. My desire should be to show my friends that I care about them and miss them, and not worry about if they feel the same way. Even if the only reason for calling a friend is to tell them you care about them, that should be enough. To be able to show you care and love for another person is life's greatest gift, and I hope I always remember that.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Moving Along
Day 2
Today was good, I met my goals. I read Les Miserables, my grammar book, and completed a drawing for the book Drawing on the Right Side of Brain. I did my acne regimen morning and night along with the exercises at night. I enjoyed spending the day outside and just had fun. I had a hesitant attitude about completing my tasks for both drawing and doing my acne regimen and workout. I didn't feel like doing it.
When it came time for me to do my drawing, and didn't want to do it; I went to the TV instead. I turned it on during a random time, so there really wasn't anything I wanted to watch. I did, however, notice a show coming on in fifteen minutes that I really wanted to see, so I decided I would do my drawing during that fifteen minutes. Once I got drawing I was fine and enjoyed it, but I just needed that bit of motivation of the TV show to get started. Getting started is always the hardest part.
When I had the bad attitude about doing the regimen I gave myself fifteen minutes to chill before I required myself to start washing my face and workout. I do them together. I have to wait for my face to dry in between washing and applying the ointment (I follow the www.acne.org directions); I do a '8 min. abs' and '8 min. arms' workout video (can be found on YouTube!) while I'm waiting. I love those tapes, they are simple and effective and have a sweet 80s vibe. At first you can't really feel them working, but once you do them for awhile it is good workout - its all about consistency. I set a timer for fifteen minutes and once it rang I stopped what I was doing and went to start the regimen and had a much better attitude. I remembered my motto "get excited about doing what you don't want to do;" I got pumped up and did my workout with strength and determination.
Overall my attitude today was just get it completed and don't excel - I did the bare minimum. I said to myself, "That's enough for now," and quit when it may not have really been very much. I want to switch my attitude from praising myself for doing it to desiring to get the most out of it. It is the idea of you have to do more than just show up. Right now I am happy for myself for getting it done, but I need to be striving for greatness.
Today was good, I met my goals. I read Les Miserables, my grammar book, and completed a drawing for the book Drawing on the Right Side of Brain. I did my acne regimen morning and night along with the exercises at night. I enjoyed spending the day outside and just had fun. I had a hesitant attitude about completing my tasks for both drawing and doing my acne regimen and workout. I didn't feel like doing it.
When it came time for me to do my drawing, and didn't want to do it; I went to the TV instead. I turned it on during a random time, so there really wasn't anything I wanted to watch. I did, however, notice a show coming on in fifteen minutes that I really wanted to see, so I decided I would do my drawing during that fifteen minutes. Once I got drawing I was fine and enjoyed it, but I just needed that bit of motivation of the TV show to get started. Getting started is always the hardest part.
When I had the bad attitude about doing the regimen I gave myself fifteen minutes to chill before I required myself to start washing my face and workout. I do them together. I have to wait for my face to dry in between washing and applying the ointment (I follow the www.acne.org directions); I do a '8 min. abs' and '8 min. arms' workout video (can be found on YouTube!) while I'm waiting. I love those tapes, they are simple and effective and have a sweet 80s vibe. At first you can't really feel them working, but once you do them for awhile it is good workout - its all about consistency. I set a timer for fifteen minutes and once it rang I stopped what I was doing and went to start the regimen and had a much better attitude. I remembered my motto "get excited about doing what you don't want to do;" I got pumped up and did my workout with strength and determination.
Overall my attitude today was just get it completed and don't excel - I did the bare minimum. I said to myself, "That's enough for now," and quit when it may not have really been very much. I want to switch my attitude from praising myself for doing it to desiring to get the most out of it. It is the idea of you have to do more than just show up. Right now I am happy for myself for getting it done, but I need to be striving for greatness.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Kindling the Fire of Existence
This is the beginning of a journey.
I am embracing life. I realized that life is what you make of it, and my life right now isn't much. And I am the only one who can make something of my life. It takes effort too. I am ready to embrace that effort - to kindle that fire.
For awhile I have been kind of sedentary, not caring about much or doing much. I am now recognizing many things I want to accomplish like exercising, sticking to an acne regimen to clear up my skin, watching my diet, reading - fiction, the Bible, educational material, and practicing and developing my artistic skills. All of these things, goals you can call them (I never liked the idea of a goal though), require consistency - a trait I don't naturally have. It is something I have to gain through desire, determination, and commitment.
Motivation is hard to come by. It is my motto of the season to find excitement in the mundane. This is the only way I believe I can conjure up some motivation to do all the things I need to do for a better life but don't want to do. It is about convincing myself that I want this. I am not determined, but I want to be. I want to be determined, I want to be consistent. I need to be. All of my goals are nothing without consistency. If I do not exercise everyday or wash and treat my skin everyday there will be no results. So, as much as I want to be lazy and skip it one day, I can't. In this blog I am going to document my efforts to accomplish these things. My hope is that having this blog I can reflect on my struggles and have a sense of accountability, and maybe one day someone will read this when I have succeeded and I can be an inspiration. My goals are small and simple, but my goal is more about gaining an attitude - the determination and commitment. With determination and commitment I can accomplish any other goal that I may come up with.
I am embracing life. I realized that life is what you make of it, and my life right now isn't much. And I am the only one who can make something of my life. It takes effort too. I am ready to embrace that effort - to kindle that fire.
For awhile I have been kind of sedentary, not caring about much or doing much. I am now recognizing many things I want to accomplish like exercising, sticking to an acne regimen to clear up my skin, watching my diet, reading - fiction, the Bible, educational material, and practicing and developing my artistic skills. All of these things, goals you can call them (I never liked the idea of a goal though), require consistency - a trait I don't naturally have. It is something I have to gain through desire, determination, and commitment.
Motivation is hard to come by. It is my motto of the season to find excitement in the mundane. This is the only way I believe I can conjure up some motivation to do all the things I need to do for a better life but don't want to do. It is about convincing myself that I want this. I am not determined, but I want to be. I want to be determined, I want to be consistent. I need to be. All of my goals are nothing without consistency. If I do not exercise everyday or wash and treat my skin everyday there will be no results. So, as much as I want to be lazy and skip it one day, I can't. In this blog I am going to document my efforts to accomplish these things. My hope is that having this blog I can reflect on my struggles and have a sense of accountability, and maybe one day someone will read this when I have succeeded and I can be an inspiration. My goals are small and simple, but my goal is more about gaining an attitude - the determination and commitment. With determination and commitment I can accomplish any other goal that I may come up with.
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