Just a day ago I was thinking about how my behavior was showing that I was depressed, the next day I had the best day ever.
Evidence of my depression:
Sleeping too much. Lack of motivation - I really needed to do my laundry, change my sheets and clean my room in general. I finally did wash my clothes, but have yet to put these clothes up. I was so glued to my bed and had lack of motivation that I stayed in bed and skipped going to work.
I lost my job.
The best day ever began with me making some small goals.
+Wake up every day at 9am (no matter if it is weekend or work day). Try to get up directly when the alarm rings, no snooze, try to use only one alarm.
+Do one cleaning job a day (ex: laundry)
+Exercise at least 30 minutes a day
I ended up not sleeping the night before the best day ever, so I couldn't count waking up at 9am. I still got out of bed at that time though. I did complete a full 30min of exercise. I met one of my goals! Even if it takes me several days to get all my goals completed it is still a success to meet one.
I began to put my laundry away, but was distracted by the tree outside my window. I noticed how the leaves were clusered together and how the branches began as one, but coninued to the far twigs that held the leaves. I wanted to draw it, so I did.
I was drawing it from my window. I could see the branches that were hidded when the wind blew the leaves away from my view. I was straining to see every connection. I ultimately decided to go draw outside. I began on my small note pad, but it was evident I needed a bigger canvas, so I brought out my large newsprint pad. After drawing for awhile I wanted to visit the back yard where my parents were. I noticed the beautiful blooming flowers and decided to take pictures. I really got into it, getting the perfect angle and lighting. I even used the macro setting for some fun focus tricks.
While I was taking pictures a humming bird came by and stopped right in front of me in mid-air. It was posing for me! Since I had my camera ready I was able to get a picture of it front and center. I was touched my an angel! I started to cry. It was a blessing. At that moment my mood shifted from photographer to serenity. I stopped and soaked it all in - the beauty of the day, nature, the blessing of the day.
I was now giving thanks to Yahweh (my heavenly father). Yesterday I was wallowing im my muck and today I am soaking in the presence of Yahweh. It was delightful.
Yahweh through the Rouach Quodesh (Holy Spirit) spent the day with me. He told me some things about myself that I needed to hear. These things filled my existensial vaccumm. I was at a place where I felt like I had no purpose - no meaning in my life. He showed me who I am and what my talents are. He showed me that being in the nature helped open me up to recieving this message. I spend so much time glued to my hand held computer that it is like putting on blinders to the world. Being outside that day enabled me to open up to the revelations I needed to hear to bring me out of my depression.
I now have a renewed since of self: I am a princess of Yahweh. I am an artist. I am a singer.
I now have inspiration: inspiration to create a motion picture, inpiration that led me to create a song, and inspiration that led me to make photographs and a drawing, and insiration to get another job!
